I AM A PASTORS CHILD, SO WHAT?
You are in the spotlight and you can’t change that, except if you can change who your parents are-which of course is impossible. People will measure you by the standards of your parents consciously or unconsciously and would put more demands on you than your peers.
They expect you to know the whole bible like daddy, be more righteous than Jesus, dress like mummy, and not have fun like your peers. Your parents shadow seems to follow you everywhere you go and being yourself could mean being the devil. You begin to experience frustration as you try to live up to your parent’s shadow and find acceptability among your peers-and as time goes on, expectations from both divides begin to widen and tear you apart and you begin to wonder “why can’t I be left to “enjoy” like every other child”.
Here are a few comments of Pastors Children culled from the internet:
“Ah, I've been a Pastors Kid all my life and it has been more negative than positive dealing with "church" people. I was blessed with parents who were balanced and they never put the church before us at our expense. I always remember that I was born into a pastoral family for a reason and so I might as well serve God and not focus on the people.”-kimijay
I am a Pastors kid of a mega church. I don’t get along well with other Pastors Kids in the church because they are so defensive when it comes to how a Pastors Kid should act. They act all holy and all but they are the ones who bend the rules. I know they are hurting because most of our members hate them (they think they are all that) but sometimes I wanted to slap them and let them know that their actions are ruining the ministry. I am really close to slapping one of them. She is horrible. Sorry Lord. Help me! -Denise.
“I think loneliness is the biggest issue to deal with. it seems like it's perfectly okay for us to be stepped on again and again while we could not do the same. I think my siblings and I get taken for granted, actually my whole family. Just because my dad is a pastor, doesn't mean that ... it's complicated. People have high expectation of us, and we do the right things yet we are dealt with harshly whenever we don't meet their expectation which they don't have for themselves and other churchgoers.” –Kalvin
These comments would sound familiar to children of Ministers, Elders and Pastors. Being a child of someone in the church leadership has its unique challenges. Families of Pastors have unique pressures, blessings, and problems.
Being a child of someone in church leadership is a privileged position, and like every other privileged position in the society, it has it has its challenges. Like it or not you will be under the microscope!
Prince harry cannot get away with something that an ordinary U.K citizen would.
Why? Because he is the Prince of England and heir apparent to the throne. This privileged position has brought him under the microscope. If he coughs, it would be on the internet the next minute-His wedding was watched all over the world. Someone said "Being a Pastors child is like being the child of a celebrity, only without the money... ".
Recently nude pictures of the Prince circulated on the internet apparently taken by mobile phone in the prince's hotel suite during a game of "strip billiards" – which aroused global curiosity.
The prince also has so many privileges and really does not need to work as the state caters for all his needs, so it’s not bad all the way after all.
Prince Harry cannot change the fact that he was born a Prince, and rebelling because so much in terms of conduct is expected of him will further add to his frustrations or even death. So what should he do?
He has to accept the fact that he is a prince and act like one- that’s the way forward.
I have observed that many children of ministers find it difficult to accept this and get infuriated when called “Omo Pastor” (Pastors Child). This could be said in a scornful way deliberately to spite you, but you must choose your reaction, rather than being angry, see it as a gentle reminder that keeps you within the boundaries of how you should conduct yourself.
Do not let perceived weaknesses or failures you have observed in your parents because of proximity make you detest their offices in the church-this is a panacea for rebellion and ultimately death. You must honour them and their offices as not just physical but spiritual authorities.
As a minister’s child below are some Privileges I have identified:
v You are born into an enabling environment whereby to serve God is made easy and every support and encouragement needed is Provided-Please take advantage!
In my younger days I have seen people being beaten for going to church.
v Established covenant and altars gotten by our parents in certain areas of life which we are to build upon-Some of these things lie dormant until we activate them. My Dad told me how he contended with secondary infertility after my eldest sibling and God gave him a break through after 7 years, which resulted in his having nine (9) of us. He went to be with the lord in 2003 and one of my nephews who got married that same year had been childless since then. In the month of May this year we had a family meeting and I declared boldly that barrenness had been overcome by Daddy and I cannot be alive and have a barren Abdullahi. Based on this, prayer was made and the lady took in. One of my teachers thought me that where faith fails the covenant will not fail, God is faithful!
v Covering: God gives special covering from mishap and evil to the children of his servants and also gives them special graces. We are expected to be under Gods covering and that of our parents while growing until we can stand on our own spiritually. I personally observed that in my family, prior to the death of my father, we only hear of people dying, but we lost two of our in-laws within 3 years of his demise and some family members with high flying careers ran aground. Could this be a coincidence or spiritual cover was taken? Our fathers will not be available for us forever, let’s glean the much we can from them spiritually before they transit-that’s the only thing that will last.
v You don’t need to start from the scratch spiritually which is a very difficult task, a lot of grounds has been covered which you must retain and build upon.
v It’s easier for you to discover Gods purpose for your life amongst other things.
Jesus was put on the spot the day he was baptized and a voice from heaven said “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased”. Jesus accepted this privileged position and indeed acted like the son of God. Straight away he was lead into the wilderness and in obedience went on a forty day fast and immediately after that, Satan came to tempt him or put it in another way prove if indeed this was the son of God.
Know that right from the very first day Jesus was declared the son of God, he became satan’s target.
Being the child of those in church leadership has also made you the target of Satan. You must walk in this consciousness and take your stand like Jesus.
The greatest test you will face as the son of a Pastor, elder or minister will be to prove that, you are indeed one- Satan wants to prove that you are not, don’t let him!
Why would he want to prove that you are not? To put it simply, it is because he wants to deny you of the privileges you have by virtue of being the child of someone in leadership. God gives people in leadership double honour (1 Tim 5:17).
Jesus was victorious because he accepted being the son of God, obeyed his father and was prepared to face the devil. If you accept this reality, obey both your heavenly and earthly father and prepare yourself spiritually to face the devil, you will win!